Why I Believe In Gods

I’ve written before about having used a legal dissociative over a period of years to deal with PTSD symptoms for which, psychiatry was unable to give me a suitable pharmacological solution. I have found like many others that this drug, being in a sense, an entheogenic, does have certain abilities to “reset” my stress level when I get frazzled. Many PTSD sufferers who have my symptoms appear to be unreasonably angry all the time; apparently the anxiety that is common to us as people who have endured trauma and remained stuck in our ‘fight or flight’ responses (as I was once told by a social worker) tend to react to anxiety with anger/irritability or worse. I was once moved off of a job position into the only post where I was able to work alone because of my propensity for profanity.

The dissociative qualities of the drug reconnected me with past trauma and made me able to process through it. During this time I was also reading the NDERF forum, voraciously sifting through the thousands of near death and out of body experiences posted there looking for similarities and patterns and it was undeniable to me that I was finding them. One of the patterns was the ‘life review’ people talked about during their NCE where an being accompanied them while their life was played through again, in which they experienced as themselves and also as every other person whom they had ever encountered, experiencing the emotions of all those people as well. On the forum, different people may have interacted with their own cultural Gods, but the experiences beyond that seem to repeat. I have searched out as many negative accounts of NDE’s as well and the ones I have found seem to underscore the existence of the ‘bardo’ or journey through the afterworld, with the various levels of ‘hell’ that  I have encountered many times on this dissociative. They are consistent and they repeat in the same forms now matter how many times I encounter them.

I began to notice similarities between my dissociative experiences and NDE’s that I had read, which lent credence to what I was experiencing. I also availed myself of as many hallucinogenic and dissociative drug experiences as I could read, as well, most on erowid.org and https://drugs-forum.com/ . Here I found patterns in common with my experiences on the dissociative and on the NDE forum as well. (  http://www.nderf.org/ ). I prefer the NDERF site because it just posts raw data, the thousands of experiences of contributors to the site having filled out the same lengthy questionnaire.  I have had many people tell me that these experiences are created by the brain and are actually happening, or that they happen in just pre-death but seem longer because of brain changes etc. Even some writers about the ancient bardo mythologies believed the bardo experiences were hallucinations dictated by the karma of the person experiencing them. What needs to be stressed is that no matter what people insist to the contrary, all of these are just opinions. None of these experiences can be studied by the scientific method and until that day comes there is no authoritative opinion on them that can be trusted. It disturbs me that many atheists put forward their disbelief in any post-death reality as a scientific fact when nothing of the sort has been established. The ability to tell fact from personal opinion should be the number one goal of someone who considers themselves objective, which researchers should strive to be. Even the late Carl Sagan made this very important distinction, which his widow Ann Druyan has reiterated on many occasions.

The main issue I have is with the atheist support for the supposition that Gods are a relic of the human past which we are evolving out of, or need to evolve out of, is lack of evidence of drastic changes in the human brain from earliest known periods of worship of or belief in Gods to now. There is ample evidence, however, that the changes in our brains belong to a much earlier period of our existence, measured in millions rather than thousands of years. It has also been shown scientifically that no significant changes in our brains have taken place in ALL of time period for which we have historical evidence, except for brain size shrinkage in the last 10,000 years. That’s right, shrinkage. Not significant and mostly owing to nutritional issues, according to this article in Scientific American, but definitely no huge leaps in human intelligence development.

What I encountered instead on the dissociative was a whole world of spirit beings and some of them resemble the mythologies of present and past both. It became clear to me that Jesus Christ was a re-imagined sun god much like Helios and Mithras of the past, probably worshipped and mythologized in the same nature as Sol Invictus at the time of Constantine’s famous conversion,  having coins minted in the likeness Sol long after his clearly political and strategic switch to christianity; it has been theorized that his conversion mainly concerned christianity’s statelessness which he felt would solve the nationalistic factionalization of the Roman Empire’s pagan sects whose religions were attached to geographic regions. One interesting thing I’ve found when looking into accounts of Constantine’s ‘dream’ about conquering in the name of Christ is that the more you dig, the less it becomes a dream but a vision and then it becomes something Constantine experienced while looking at the Sun.  I’ve continued to find similarities in present-day mythology and the beings I encountered in my dissociative experiences, and at first it was disappointing to me to find them similar to those I was instructed about during my Christian upbringing. The last thing I wanted to find was veracity for the existence of the God of Abraham and of Jesus Christ.

It became clear to me upon researching different mythologies that these beings had always been referred to, though many of them changed names and characteristics over time. The God of Abraham was clearly Jupiter from the classical era, which the ancients knew as the literal planet. The sun God was the dying God of many many cultures the world over, and the christian Jesus’s many holidays can be mapped to the movement of the sun during the year.  What I experienced in encountering the sun God was overwhelming, and almost unbearable purity and love like nothing I’d experienced. He loves the color gold, has the innocence and purity of motive of a child, and a warmth in his presence that makes one’s entire body feel like it feels to be sunbathing on the beach on a perfect July day, just almost unbearably surrounded in warmth. The Father God, (Jupiter literally translates as ‘sky father’ in Greek), clearly the God of Abraham, is quite the tempermental, emotional disciplinarian, just like the Abrahamics experience him, though far kinder and far more loving, and clearly motivated by the desire to keep the souls of  his ‘children’ from making fatal errors that will land them in the hellish levels of the bardo and possibly cause them to annihilate their souls by escaping into the environments dominated by the dark spirit. The dark spirit is as frightening and motivated by negative emotions as he’s fabled to be, and apparently offers sanctuary to those who’ve made grave mistakes by doing great harm to others. The sanctuary comes with a price though, which is apparently gradual death of one’s soul and therefore the loss of the ability to ever re-enter ‘heaven’ or even be the same person. It seems as though one becomes increasingly identified with the violence and hate of the dark spirit and essentially a vestige of him once one has forsaken the bardo for the easy way out.

None of these were things I wanted to learn, since they vaguely resembled the mythology of my upbringing, and they repeated consistently enough for me to accept that they are spiritual realities. There are some major differences between the reality of the spirit world and my mythology of birth, though. There is clearly an ancient Goddess that used to be widely worshipped all over the world, who says she is the mother of the father or sky/God, the Jupiter figure that became the patriarch of the abrahamics. So, much like the ancient Greeks and Romans believed, somehow the Gods of spirit reproduce and have family lineage.  This is the precursor of the faint vestige of her former greatness that the Catholics call Mary and it is clear her virginity only became an issue with the advent of patriarchy when patrilineal succession overtook the matrilineal succession that is common to hunter/gatherers and is evidenced still in many parts of the world. There is some relation to the advent of animal husbandry and patrilineal succession (and probably genital mutilation of children) but little evidence remains of when this succession took hold. Many native american tribes were practicing matrilineal succession during the conquest of America by Europeans, as are other cultures still in parts of Polynesia and places like Lugu Lake in China.

It is clear to me after repeated encounters with these deities that much of the current mythology of Gods is just politicized and expediently created fable intended to influence or control the populace it is aimed at. This includes all of the abrahamics from stem to stern and certainly I have seen zero evidence in any encounter with these deities that they would ever ask for a child to be sacrificed to them, or demand that children whether male or female be genitally mutilated. To the contrary they seem to be most disturbed by the harm that has come to children from human adults through these and many other abusive practices. Children are more sacred to them, particularly to the sun God, than any other beings and it devastates them for harm to be done to children in their names whether mental, emotional, or physical. This is why I find it particularly annoying when people reference practices of abrahamic and other religious brutality as appropriate to ancient time but an abomination now. I strongly believe, owning to scientific evidence like I quoted from the article above, that since the human brain has changed little the last ten thousand years, acts of savagery on children such as FGM, child marriage, and the like, were as destructive and cruel whether 4000 or 1400 years ago as they are today. We humans have not changed all that much in that short period of time. In fact we probably have those acts to blame for the degeneration of human cultures that seems to have accompanied monotheism.

Monotheism in particular seems to be the most depressing cultural misstep, and one can see evidence of its own fallaciousness in its own protestations against it. From Moses bringing the ten commandments to his people with one of them being “thou shalt have no other Gods before me” to the Islamic prayer “there is no God but God” the reality of polytheism and the tendency of monotheists to go to lengths of unbelievable brutality to enforce their odd fetish for the worship of one member of the spiritual pantheon to the exclusion of all the others becomes undeniable. Two things that remain characteristic and seem to go hand in hand with the three major religions are monotheism and patrilinealism, so much so that it is abundantly clear that the first one and all of its attendant barbarity over the years exists to enforce the second tradition of the patriarchy.  The brutality visited on human females, children, and animals in the abrahamic faiths all result from the jaded belief that because the sky-father God and the sun God are male gendered, that the male alone has divinity and the rights of all other beings must be seen as secondary, if considered at all. It becomes clear that in the spirit world, all things have divinity, holiness, and sanctity in their own form, and none are considered better or deemed subservient to human maleness. In the spirit world, things just are the form they are, and holiness or divinity is found in all of them. Once one encounters this it becomes striking what a sham humanity has made of the world, and the results of patrilinealist monotheism are evident in human cultures affected by them.  Whether this is a natural de-evolution that will end in the apocalypse or something that humanity will survive and leave behind as it enters the aquarian age is the larger question.  With the United States delving into playing war games and potentially starting WW3 over conflict in Syria it remains to be seen whether humanity will ever get to evolve out of the destructive state of monotheism in which we find ourselves.

Copyright 2017 Starshine Kerr. All rights reserved.


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