I wanted to gently ease into my experiences in both researching the true identity of Christ and my use of a legal dissociative in the past that I began experimenting with to try and understand the origin of my PTSD and other problems. However recent events on the world stage have me unsettled because I see that on both sides of the world right now we have actors in place who are willfully trying to bring about the apocalypse. We have over a billion christians salivating for such a thing as is talked about in revelations, armageddon.
I don’t understand yet why it is that in abrahamic faith the true nature of the universe; meaning the consciousness of heavenly bodies, was obscured from humanity. If you look at effects in order to determine causation it is easy to conclude that in patrilinealist faiths it is necessary to strip female deities of power and obliterate the memory of their existence. ‘God’ became some etherous unknown existing in the clouds somewhere here or there but never having a concrete presence. Sol Invictus of the Roman era became Jesus Christ during the 3rd century imposition of Christianity on Rome by Constantine. While this has been called a conversion by some, it is unclear that any conversion actually happened and some writers have suggested that Constantine used Christianity to unite Rome underneath his sovereign power because other warring factions existent in the Rome of that day were heavily identified with their nations of origin and Christianity while only being practiced by 10 percent of the populace, seemed ideal to Constantine the Great (whom I will refer to as CTG from here forward) because it possessed no such nationalism.
When I began taking this legal dissociative it was about six months before I had an experience with the Jesus Christ of the bible. It was during a time when I had become acquainted with the writings of DM Murdock whose work claimed that in the ancient world the Gods referred to by such peoples as the Greeks were stars and planets; i.e. when they said “Venus” they meant Venus, and when they said “Jupiter” they really meant Jupiter. It is easy to see how this conception clashes with the etherous God of Abraham and him forming man in his image (not to mention the woman from a rib).
Anyway during the dissociative trance, I began to feel an enveloping warmth and see in my mind a yellow-0range disk of impossibly large size and presence. The heat began to intensify though never quite reaching a burning heat; it felt more like being on the beach on the perfect July day. Suddenly a soft voice whispered “Jesus” and in my mind I saw a portrait of Jesus Christ from the Renaissance era, which disappeared as quickly as it appeared. As the disk moved into center position in my inner vision field it began to overwhelm and surround me; in my confusion I remember uttering ‘this is the sun’ in a kind of disoriented voice. I began to be very afraid, and I remember a voice saying “just relax” which was hard to do as I knew exactly my infinite smallness and powerlessness compared to the sun and to say I was out of my weight-class is woefully understating my fear. I had no power whatever as this warm thing seemingly both object and conscious being surrounded and enveloped my entire body. It seemed to inspect my body, going up and down almost the way a friendly dog sniffs someone over upon meeting. This is while I was seemingly now inside it, though and it overcame my entire inner field of vision, there was no getting out, and no evidence of anything else in existence but the limitless orange orb and I.
Its motion slowed down on my right side where I’d had gallbladder surgery several years before; this was an area that caused me pain when I bent in certain position, it came on without warning and took my breath away each time. I was terrified but encouraged by the voice to continue to relax. The orb seemed to be focusing its attention on this area and spent a long time focusing its ‘energy’ up and down on my right side. During this time I remained almost unbearably warm and still afraid that the heat would ramp up and cook me to a crisp as I know all about the physical characteristics of the sun. But it remained perfect beach-day warm while it continued to focus on my right side.
Without warning it ended, the orb vanished from my vision field, the heat subsided and I sat there in shock, though dissociated shock as I was still in soft trance from the drug. I had, in reading DM Murdock, come to conclude as she did that Christ was a sun god like many sun gods before him, including Helios, Mithras, Ra, Sol Invictus and on and on probably to the beginning of human existence. As such I had come to conclude as most humans on earth do now that those primitive minds were full of ‘superstitions’ and mythology that had no bearing in reality, but that man had evolved out of it. I concluded that while awesome and beautiful the heavenly bodies themselves had no life beyond the physical, and that was enough.
Within just a few minutes my entire worldview had been obliterated. I knew from a search on wikipedia years ago that the human brain in fact has not changed significantly in the last 25,000 years, though there was some suggestion it might be shrinking. Now I sat on my couch completely stunned with the thought that what if the reason all these ancient cultures had worshipped the sun was because the sun was in fact a deity with consciousness, who had an aura of pure love like I experienced during the ‘healing’ (though I didn’t understand it at the time it soon became evident this was what had happened). What if during the time of CTG and his mishmash of christianity and Roman paganism, circumstances or evolution of thought had taken the characteristics of their sun god and applied them to the Jewish rabbi that was elevated to be the messiah of christianity.
It is of course no stretch to understand why humans would demote astronomical bodies and their powers and assign them to a human figure. CTG was after absolute power and his ultimate goal was to unite Rome under him. Polytheism didn’t suit his mindframe and taking the over-awing power of star and planet gods and applying their abilities and traits to human beings could justify just about any behavior toward achieving power and form an unbreakable link between some human beings, or one human being, in the minds of a subject people. It also served to get rid of female deities completely which were not useful whatsoever to the severely patrilinealist abrahamic faiths. In fact to destroy faith in female deities and claim god is male and only male seemed to be a perfect fit for both Constantine’s goals and those of the Hebrews and Christians as well. Clearly Christianity never made it to pure monotheism for whatever reason; and still includes the mother of Christ as well as the father god. Other experiences I have had suggest that the astronomical bodies have family lineage in the same way that the majority of earthly species do. As it is said, ‘as above, so below’; we know that stars are born in nebulae that are clearly visible in space via telescopes.
The implications of hiding these unbelievably overwhelmingly powerful gods behind a human figure suggest repercussions far beyond the scope of this entry. My first experience with these deities was a complete paradigm shift that shook me to the core. Later in the evening I searched for the scars from that surgery, which had become very faint by then, even, and I couldn’t find any evidence of them. After this ‘healing’ I began to have far less pain on bending down than I had experienced in the past. There is no explaining something like this because it had visible and tangible results on and in my body that can’t be explained away by the implications of “hallucination” or something attributed to the drug (which is not a hallucinogen but a dissociative and produces CEVS only).
However it brings me to another experience I had far later on where God himself, clearly the Jupiter deity from Greek mythology, showed me some of the workings of the universe, about which I will go into more detail in later entries. The universe, it seems, acts like a musical instrument on which the strings are caused to vibrate and produce the ‘sound’ of the instrument, which is reality, based on the thoughts that we think individually and jointly as a species. On one day much later I had a ‘trip’ in which I experienced what humans call the ‘rapture’ or armageddon, and it was so terrifyingly overwhelming I am not ready to write about it at this point.
But, to bring all these things together, if what I learned about the universe is true, that we create with our thoughts on this musical canvas (which appeared in my mind to me many brightly colored strings of strong hues) is true, how does it affect our universe to have billions of people craving our planet be absolutely obliterated in an apocalypse? How does it affect who they vote for and how they behave? Our earth is yet another heavenly body with a consciousness and does not deserve to be destroyed. While this ‘armageddon’ experience was by far the worst of my life it was made clear to be by the God deity that it absolutely did not have to happen. It is something we create, or uncreate. After the horror of this ‘bad trip’ the last thing the Deity whispered into my consciousness was to ‘remember the strings, and be Positive!’. This is no small order for me, as someone who always loathed any of what I would have called the new age ‘crap’ that we create our own reality, and my loathing of this was only surpassed by what I would have called the idiotic “positive thinking’ people.
I find myself really disturbed because at the present moment we sit in a reality in which we have accumulated the arms to destroy humanity and living things on earth for however long; she will recover but we will not. And not only do we have the armaments, now we have at least two or three world leaders, one elected and the others dictators, who seem ready and willing to go full steam ahead to the destruction of the world, while millions of people who worship a human rabbi myth figure and have zero clue whatever that this deity is in fact the consciousness of our star, the sun, or Sol, and that all heavenly bodies have a level of consciousness and that we are in fact infinitely small human beings smaller than bacteria in the stomachs of fleas in comparison to them. Surely the ancient cultures knew these things because their cultures allowed the use of entheogenic drugs to interact and experience them. And it is no small coincidence that modern culture clamps down on these endeavors so hard, because what if they did not and enough people knew the truth.
The Sun God I experienced has all the attributes and features of the Christ that are described in the bible; unbridled love, compassion, caring, and pure love radiate from him (it is clear this deity is male but just ‘happens’ to be male and it is also clear the deities don’t hold any gender above the other, they just happen to be one or the other, or at least to present themselves as such, and no superior or inferior valuation is assigned to them). It is no wonder the bible describes Christ with such wording as “Christ, the light of the world”. However there is just nothing in the being of that deity that suggests a need for complete obliteration of our planet and the danger we are in as a human culture, having billions of minds projecting onto the universal instrument their blood- and destruction- lust is devastating to ponder. I wish I could wrap this up in a positive way, but the implications loom large in my mind. It is time to retake Christ back from the Christians, and allow our universe to be the giant splendor of love and compassion and beauty that it is, to discard the ancient mythology books that are seen as holy objects because we aren’t allowed to know that the night sky is full of TRUE holiness and awe-inspiring love and indescribable power inconceivable to the human mind. If we do not do this, this apocalyptic envisioning and craving by people who apparently want some form of retribution and righteousness above planetary survival, will be a self-fulfilling prophecy.
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