I understand now why, in the church I attended as a child, he was always referred to as “Christ, the light of the world”. I understood him to be a Hebrew who was executed at the time of the Roman Empire. I later understood him to be a Jewish Rabbi. I came to understand that Constantine’s questionable conversion to Christianity in the 4th century AD is what set Christianity on a course to conquer the world. But I understood him to be long gone, except in my heart, if I let him in.
Later I began to get educated about the different religions of the world. My religion of birth became smaller and smaller to me and less able to answer my questions about the world. Why was I inferior as a woman. When I later came out as gay I didn’t understand why that was wrong about me as well. Religion seemed to answer a question one moment then backtrack on it the next. The bible contained horrible scenes of slaughter of innocent peoples supposedly commanded by God. Horrible rapes and falsely attributed acts of incest stained its pages. I did not understand how this book could be holy, or how or why these writings were superior to any others.
As I grew even more world-wearied, I came to understand and believe that at the center, or the top, of all human endeavors were the most shrewd, dishonest and socially adept but morally lacking human beings. I began to suspect that the remnants of spirituality left on the earth, also referred to as ‘religion’ were possibly tainted in the same way.
At the end of my search I encountered the writings of DM Murdock who passed away a year ago. She brilliantly drew parallels between the many sun gods of ancient cultures and showed how much of Christ mythology held the same features in common with ancient sun gods of polytheistic cultures. More important, though than her lists of ancient sun gods were the features attributed to the sun that were resonant throughout so much of modern Christianity. I now understood the phrase “christ, the light of the world”. I began to notice the sun halos present on so many medieval and renaissance depictions of both Jesus and his mother Mary. While similar to ancient depictions of Isis and Horus, in christian art Jesus and Mary were always cloaked in halos of sunlight. My questions had lead to to an inescapable conclusion, and I knew my search was just beginning.
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